So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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