I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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