I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
