Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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