Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
