We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
