She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
