He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
