Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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