He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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