i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
me + whiskey = a bad person
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
