brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
