dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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