I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my poor anus
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Who died my cat blue again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
