If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
