I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
