I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
