So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
