Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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