Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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