it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
