like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
