remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
