I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
