allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So vagazzling was a success
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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