lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
