Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
