What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are the jesus of drinking
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
