fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
