You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
