what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
