I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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