Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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