Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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