so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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