I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
