Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
