Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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