Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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