My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
