how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
