I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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