you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
