9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
