Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
