we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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