Do you still have your period?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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