If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
In America we eat man semen.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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