I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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