I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
