I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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