I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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