if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
